Chapter 1
It was Hallaween' niaght. I was cuttin' up a pig whaile wearin' high heels! Ain't that somethin'? Whahl I were cuttin' eet, I heard somethin' comin' from that there door. "Alriaght, wut is it now?" I approached the door while holdin' me trusty axe. "Come out bitch! I'm gonna getch you!" As soon as I spoke dem words, a demon alien creature tried bustin' in! "Not so fast, ya' dang nabbit piece of death!"
I bumped against that there door super hard, making the creature faw to the ground. I opened the der, and struck it with me axe while it were down. I broke open it's chest. Somethin' came out of it. It was it's baby! "I ain't no one to judge the quality of an extraterrestrial demonic baby, but damn! That's one ugle baby!" The demon baby jumped on mah face, and it made meh fall down to the ground. I ripped it off me face, and threw it across the room. I charged for it, and sliced it with an axe. "Maybeh I shuld move out this dang house, or maybeh get rid of the Book of the Dead. But I don't know what to do with the damn thing!"
As soon as I said them words, a car pulled up to the cabin. I knew this because of the headlights. "Well sheit." I opened the door, and went outside. "Hey! You shouldn't be around here! This house attracts evil!" I there warned. A man stepped out of the car. "I know. I'm here to take that Book of the Dead off your hands." the man spoke. "Who the hell are you, and how do ye know?" "I built this cabin long ago. I used to stay the night here when I just wanted to get away from it all. That is, until a bunch of teens trashed the place. And for some reason, someone brought the Book of the Dead to this house."
"Well crap! Watcha' gonna due with thee book?" "I'm going to destroy it. And it's not going to be easy." Then out of no where, a naked zombie creature hopped on the man's car! The man screamed, and ran into the cabin. The creature snarled, and spit was drippin' from its nasty mouth. "Come on! Come to papa!" I taunted. It jumped down from the car and ran towards the door. I ran back into the cabin, and grabbed my chainsaw. The man was cowardin' under a table. I pulled back the string, and the chainsaw started roarin'. The creature ran into the chainsaw. I laughed as blood sprayed my face. The creature was now in pieces on the floor. "Yeah. You need to get rid of that book. I'll show ye where it's at. It be down in that there basement." I said to the man.
I open the basement door riahgt there, and we head inside. We walk down the fragile steps. "Shhh... there's a cannibal down here." I whispered to the man. He gave me a weird face. We slowly crept our way through the basement. I could tell that the man was verha' tense. "Um... where is the cannibal?" he asked like a pansy. "He's right behind ya'!" I shouted. The cannibal grabbed the man by the neck. "Leave that poor man alone you zombie wannabe!" I punched the cannibal in the face, making it let go of the man. It hissed at me. I took an another swing at its face, and kicked its face while he was temporarily paralyzed from the punch. It fell to the floor, groanin' in pain. "Kill it!" shouted the man. "I can'--" I was interrupted by another voice.
Chapter 2
"What's all the ruckus? Johnny, are you down here?" asked some guy coming down the basement stairs. He had a mullet, and was wearin' a red hat. "Who the hell are you, and what are ye dooin' in me cabin?" I asked the strange. "That's my friend, Danny." explained Johnny. "What the hell is this thing twitching on the floor?" asked Danny while staring at the cannibal. "It's a cannibal, don't touch it!" I warned. "Well, why don't we kill it?" asked Danny. "Yeah, we should really kill it." agreed Johnny.
"I can'--" I was interrupted again. "Brb, I'll get the axe." said Danny as he went up them stairs. "No, don't!" I shouted. Johnny gave me that funny look again. Danny came walking down the stairs holding the axe. "It's hackin' time!" stated Danny. "DON'T KILL EET! YOU'LL TURN INTO A' CANNIBAL!" I warned. "Psh. Don't be silly." Danny smirked. He lifted the axe above his head, and struck the cannibal.
I ran over to Danny, and ripped the axe out of his hand. "Gosh dangit, Danny! Look what ye done!" I yelled. "What? Did you want it to kill us?" asked Danny. "No, no, no. If you kill someone in this house, ya' get turned into cannibal!" I stated. "How do you know?" Danny asked. "Because it says up stairs! There's a note on the wall that says!" I explained. "Hahaha, very funny." said Danny. There was brief pause, until Danny bent over, and picked up an exposed piece of flesh off the cannibal.
My blue eyes widened. I turned to Johnny. He looked at me, then Danny, and said "Uh, Danny, what are you doing?" Danny looked at the piece of flesh some more, then quickly shoved it in his mouth. "DANNY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" screamed Johnny. "What? I just wanted a taste." explained Danny. "Come on, let's look for that evil book before he kills us." I whispered to Johnson. Johnson seemed very freaked out by all of this.
We scurried to the back of the basement. We found the book. It was laying on a wooden table. "Alraight, here it be. Whatcha' gonna do with it?" I asked. "Um, we need to say the magic words to repel the evil." explained Johnson. "Well, do ya' know them?" I asked. "Uh... yeah. You can't touch the book without saying the words, or else the evil will follow you." explained Johnson. "Well, say 'em! And hurry up too, because he's almost done eatin' that body." I stated.
Johnson cleared his throat. "Klaatu... barata...? No no no, that's not it." He cleared his throat again. "Klaatu bar...barada... n...ne....nu? Uh." Johnson couldn't get the correct words out it seemed. I looked behind me, and saw that Danny was eating the last piece of flesh off the dead body. "WON'TCH YOU HURRY THE HAIL' UP!?" I screamed to Johnson. "Klaatu barada n.... niii... neto?" "AH TO HELL WITH YA'!" I grabbed the book, and took off. "Last one to the car is a rotten egg!" I shouted.
Chapter 3
I hopped in the car, and threw the book in the backseat. "Come on, come on! Where is he?" I asked to myself. A few seconds later, Johnson came running out of the cabin. "Are you crazy!? I didn't finish saying the words!" protested Johnson. Danny came running out of the cabin. He ran super ultra mega fast. "GET IN THE DAYMN CAR!" I yelled. Johnson, hopped in, and tried starting it up. Danny was on the front wind shield, pounding on it. "TAKE OFF, BITCH!" I screamed.
The car started, and we took off, running over Danny in the process (he didn't die). During the drive through the woods, we began to talk. "The evil is with us, you know?" Johnson said. "Yeah I guess." I stated. "I need to get home and find the passage. Before I came up here, I practiced memorizing it for like an hour!" Johnny stressed. "Well, ya' didn't practice enough." I snarked.
We saw a bridge up headed. As we got closer to it, the bridge started curling up. Johnson immediately hit the breaks. We almost fell off the cliff! The bridge was now completely deformed and messed up. Me and Johnson both slowly looked at each other. A thick fog then rolled in. We then both looked at the book. "Uh... you don't happen to have weapons in the back of the trunk, do ya'?" I asked. "I-I have a hammer back there... and a few big screwdrivers I think." Johnson replied. "Good." I stated. I got out of the car, and went behind it. I couldn't see anything cuz' all of that damn fog. I opened the trunk, and there they were. I picked the up, shut the trunk, and went back inside the car. "Well... uh, brace yourself. I have a feelin' this is gonna get ugly." I warned. As I said them words, I heard Johnson scream.
"Ahhh! What am I seeing!?" "What, what! What is it!?" I asked. He took his hand off his left eye. It was all red and evil looking. He closed it. "You look fine on the right eye... but when I see you with the left eye, I literally see Hell!" Johnson explained. "Well, we better get rid of it, or else it could affect your body even more, who knows." I suggested. "How are we going to fix it?" asked a distressed Johnson. "We don't... We destroy it." I stated. "WHAT!?" yelled Johnson. I grabbed the two tiny screwdrivers, and hovered over Johnson's face. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME!? NO, NO, NOOOOO!!" screamed Johnson.
I stabbed the evil eye with a screwdriver, and blood started oozing. Johnson began to scream in pain. "Don't worry, it'll be over soon." I got both screwdrivers, and dug them into the sides of his eye, and pulled back. POP! The eyeball landed in my lap. I picked it up by the stem, and threw it out the window. "Yuck." I said in disgust. Johnson was crying, and the left side of his face was bloody. I reached the back seat for a rag. I wrapped the rag around his head, covering up his eye socket. "You know, my dad could only see out of one eye, and he didn't complain. You'll get used to it, I tell ya'." I told Johnson.
"It hurts like hell. Stupid fly." Johnson complained. "What? Fly?" I questioned. "Yeah, a damn fly flew on my eye, and it turned evil." explained Johnson. "You did kill the fly... right?" I asked. "Uh... no?" said Johnson. We then heard buzzin'. We looked around the car, searchin' for it. "IT'S ON YOUR HEAD!" cried Johnson. I took the screwdriver, and jammed it on my forehead. I killed teh fly, but now my damn head is bleedin'! I ripped a piece of the cloth Johnson had over his head, and put it on mine.
Chapter 4
"So what? We just gonna sit here?" asked Johnson. "We can't go back to the cabin, and we can't take the trail in them woods, because we'll just get possessed by demons!" I explained. Then all of a sudden, a zombie creature attacked the windshield. Johnson screamed. I got out the car, and stabbed the zombie in the eyeball with the screwdriver. Then I kicked it off the cliff. "Oh sheit!" I cried. There was a giant pumpkin face with tentacles in the woods! I hopped in the car, and yelled "FLOUR IT BACK TO THE CABIN, BITCH!" Johnson put the car in reverse, and we drove our way back to the cabin.
"I can't see! It's too foggy!" Johnson cried. "Come on! Ye can do it!" I cheered. The cabin was now in view. "You can stop the car now." I said. Johnson seemed flustered, and kept hitting on the breaks. "Johnson... Johnson... JOHNSON!!!" I screamed as we crashed into the cabin. The car stopped as we hit the wall in the living room. "*cough* *cough* Why the *cough* hell did you do that?" I asked Johnson. "I-I don't know! The car drove by itself!" Johnson explained. "Sun of a beitch." I whispered. I got out of the car, and went to the wooden table at the other side of the room. "What are you doing?!" asked Johnson. "This beauty." I lifted my weed wacker from under the table.
"This ain't yer ordinary weed whacker. This babeh has sharp metal at the end riaght there, perfect for slicin' zombies' heads off." As soon as I said them badass words, killer vines started emerging from the floor. The began wrapping around the car, squeezing it, all while Johnson was still inside. He tried to get out, but the vines had the doors secured. The car was getting crushed, so it's about time I do something about it. I turned on the weed whacker, and the blades span one hundred miles per hour.
"Hahahahaha! DIIIIIEEE!" I spouted as I cut through the vines. The vines had red blood in them, so my face and body was completely covered in blood as I cut them. Johnson managed to get out the car. I turned the weed wacker off, and we gazed at the car. Johnson started to panic, breathing heavily. "What are we going to do!? The car is completely destroyed!" cried Johnson. "Well I be a son of a --" I was cut off by someone. "What the hail happened in here?" called a hillbilly standing in the doorway.
"HELP US!" cried Johnson. "Who in the freakin' world are YOU?" I asked the hillbilly. "I lieve abot a maul a way from herye, and I heard deez noises. Just wanted' to check out what wus golin' on." explained the hillbilly. "How did you get here?" I asked. "The trail by that broken bridge. Speaking of which, I thought that bridge was good as new, but I guess nat." said the Hillbilly. The hillbilly then started to twitch and act funny. "Um-uh you okay... sir?" asked Johnson in a frightened state. The hillbilly kept twitching, the tone of his skin was changing, and he grew massive claws. He transformed into a humanoid monster! He roared, then looked at me. "Let's go, big boy." I taunted.
Johnson got scared, and threw himself in the busted down car. The monster hillbilly jumped over my head, and landed on top the car. He started digging his claws through the roof, tearing chunks of it off. Johnson was screaming, still in the car. I sighed. I turned on the loud weed wacker, which got the attention of the monster. It spread its claws out, ready to attack. Until I got a screwdriver from my overall's front pocket, and stabbed it in the head. It was groaning in pain, with blood leaking from the wound.
I pulled out the screwdriver, and began chopping pieces of its face off with the weed wacker. Its face was now completely red mush. Chunks of red flesh (it kinda looked like watermelon) were all over the ground, and my face was covered in blood. "Say Johnson, are ye fer sum monster smoothy?" I joked. "No. Let's get the hell out of here! To the trail!" Johnson stated. He got out of the car, and we ran to the trail.
Chapter 5
We were where the bridge was. "Where's that gosh dang trail at?" I asked, looking around. "Right there!" Johnson pointed near the bridge. We ran through it. We were surrounded by wilderness, and it was hard to see. It was especially hard to run with mah heavy duty weed wack-a-roo. Johnson was out pacing me too. That is, until a hand reached out the ground and grabbed his leg. "Help me! I'm stuck!" Johnson cried. I was applaud. What to I do in this here situation? Do I risk choppin' off his leg with my mighty weed wacker? Yes! "Look out ol' Johnny boy, this may leave a mark." I warned.
"SHIT! BE CAREFUL!" he yelled. The weed wacker was on. I slowly moved it towards the arm, and blood started spraying everywhere. It then let go of Johnson, and went back underground. Johnson stood there breathing heavily. "Well just don't stand there! We gotta go!" I shouted. We hit the ground runnin' once again. The tress were starting to clear up too. We stopped when we saw something... something good! "Hey, look! There's a house right there, and a car! Let's go inside and get the keys!" I demanded.
"I don't know, Dick. There may be some possession going on inside." Johnson worried. I ignored him, and walked in the house. I as greeted to the kitchen. I searched around for the keys. "Here they are!" I exclaimed. They were laying on a wooden table. As I reached my hand out for it, it moved to the left by itself. I tried grabbing it again, but it slid to the right. This time, I had both of my hands out, and slammed them on the left and right side. That did no good, as the keys were now floating in the air. They were near the dang ceiling!
I jumped, and tried to grab them. But it stabbed me in the hand. "AHHHHHHHH!!" I screamed in pain. Johnson ran in the house. "What, what, what!?" Johnson panicked. "Agh! Help me pull this key out of m-my hand!" I demanded. Johnson walked to me, and ripped the key out of my hand. There was a big ol' hole in mah hand! "Oh my goodness." said Johnson. He grabbed a cloth from on top of the refrigerator, and handed it to me. I wrapped it around my hand. "Well sheit, looks like you have to be the one drivin'." I stated. Johnson said the cursed F word under his breath.
Chapter 6
We got out of the house, and hopped in the car. Johnson started it up, and we drove off. "I don't know where the hell I'm going." Johnson expressed. "Just keep goin'. We'll find our way out eventually." I stated. There was silence for a few minutes. "Man, my skin feels weird." I grumbled. I pulled the book out of my giant pocket. "I'm gettin' the creeps just lookin' at this cursed thing... let alone, holdin' it." I said while staring at the book in my hands. "Yeah, it's because it's made out of human skin, and it's inked with blood." Johnson explained. "Unbelievable." I said. I began flipping through the pages. "What in the hail are these things? Who is even capable of drawin' such wicked thaings?" I asked. "The devil, that's who." Johnson replied. I closed the book, and put it in my pocket. My skin was crawling at this point.
I looked at the car radio to take my mind off of it. "Huh. I wonder if this thaing here works." I questioned. I turned the knob, and a station began playing. Static. "Turn that thing off, it's creeping me out." Johnson stated. I tried turning the knob back. Still static. I began pressing all the buttons too. Still static, and it was getting louder. "W-why isn't it t-turning off?" Johnson asked frightened. VCR like tape began leaking out of the radio. It just kept going in going. "Ah! Do something!" yelled Johnson. I took a screwdriver, and started stabbing the radio.
Sparks burst out, then black smoke. "I CAN'T FREAKING SEE!" Johnson shouted. The car was completely covered in dark smoke, and the tape was overflowing the car. Johnson began losing control of the car, and crashed it into a guardrail. We quickly got out of the car. Then we noticed something. "Hey! We're on an actual road!" I cheered. It was one of those roads surrounded by guardrails, and trees behind them. "But... but... the car." Johnson said upset. "Looks like we're gonna have to hitchhike." I suggested. "Yeah... I guess so." Agreed Johnson.
We walked down the road for about 15 minutes. Not a damn car or critter in sight. "This is all my fault. If I had remembered the last word, this all would have never happened." Johnson pouted. "Oh come on now. Don't be so dang hard on yerself." I said to him. "I know, but-- Hey, look! HEADLIGHTS!" exclaimed Johnson. We jumped up and waved, and held out thumbs out. The truck came to a stop. "So how can I help you fellers?" asked the driver. "We need a ride. We crashed our car, and I need to get back to my house." Johnson explained. The driver scratched his beard, and nodded his head. "Alright. Get in." agreed the driver. Johnson took shotgun, while I took the backseats. "Where to?" asked the driver. "My house. It's in town, on Nikto street." Johnson explained. The driver nodded his head, and we took off.
Minutes into the drive, the driver started to act strange. "Uh... you okay sir?" I asked. "Yeah... yeah, call me... uh... the name." he said. Johnson had that worried look on his face. "It's uh... um... my name." he spoke again. He was losing control of the car. I reached up, and started to move the steering wheel. The driver's face was covered in sweat, and he was breathing heavily. "Wh-what do we do?" asked Johnson. "We talk to him." I answered. "Sir, what's the matter?" I asked him. The bones in his face began to move. "Uh, um, Johnny boy... I think he's possessed." I said calmly.
"No... no... NO!" Johnny exclaimed. The driver's eyes turned completely white, and his voice deepened. "We need to pull over, NOW!" demanded Johnson. "We can't when his damn foot is still on the gas paddle!" I shouted. The driver grew jagged teeth, snarled, and looked at Johnson viciously. Johnson screamed as expected. I threw the screwdriver out of my shirt pocket, and it landed in Johnny's lap. "STAB 'EM!" I demanded. Johnny pulled the screwdriver back, and dug it in the driver's head. His foot was off the gas pedal now. "John! Reach yer foot down there and hit the breaks!" I yelled. Johnny awkwardly slid his foot to the other side, and pushed down on the breaks, all while the possessed driver was freaking out. The car came to a halt. We were parked next to a graveyard. Welp, looks like we're gonna be dinner fer them zombies.
Chapter 7
We got out of the truck, and watched as the possessed driver collapsed to the ground, and died. There was silence for a moment, until Johnson spoke. "Rich... you do know that we're literally right next to a graveyard... right?" he asked. "Yeah. Let's get back in the car, and get the baked beans out of here!" I exclaimed. I hopped in the driver's side. "Where's the keys?" I questioned. "They should still be in the ignition." answered Johnson. "Um, nope. Not there." I stated. Johnson hit his head back on the seat. "Ugh... I just I wanna get outta here!" he cried. I got out of the car, and went searching for the keys. I looked at the man's dead body. I pushed up on his back with my feet. The keys were right under him. "Uh. How the hecker jack did they get der?" I questioned as I reached for the keys. As soon as I touched them, the man came back to life, and started speaking in another language frantically. Sheit.
Johnson screamed, go figure. I backed up against the truck. "Hey Johnny boy, hand me the weed wacker that's in the back. Would'ya?" I asked him. He reached for it (while whimpering), and handed it to me. The possessed man was up, and was tryin' to eat me. As I moved the weed wacker to his bloated head, his head split in to two, revealing his gory red skull. This shocked me, but I managed to get the blade on his face. It wasn't doing shiet!
I dropped the weed wacker, and punched him square in the face. His head spun around really fast. I took this opportunity to kick him the balls. He fell to the ground, and his head fell off too. His headless body got back up, and he reached to pick up his head. "Here Johnny boy, eat this!" the skull said in a demonic voice. He tossed the skull through the truck window, and it landed it Johnson's lap. He screamed, running out the car flailing his hands around, all while the skull laughed hysterically. "Johnson! Where are you going!?" I yelled. He was running away from where I was. "Johnny! You're gonna get killed! Come back here!" I warned and screamed. He wasn't listing. The skull was still laughing, but it was getting louder with each laugh. I grabbed the weed wacker and the keys, and took off running to Johnson.
I lost sight of him. Until I heard him let out a horrible shriek. I followed the scream, and found him. He was getting mauled by a possessed bear in the middle of the road. Johnson was bleeding everywhere, and it looked like his arm was about to tear off. "Hey fuq face." I called. The bear looked at me while still chewing on Johnson's arm. "Eat this." I turned on the blade to the weed wacker. The bear roared, and ran up to me. The blade went right into its head. But it wasn't doing anything, other than spraying blood in my eyes.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE DEEZ FUQIN' SKULLZ MADE OUT OF!?" I yelled over the sound of the blade. I flipped the weed wacker on its side, and began cutting the bear's neck. It seemed to be working. The bear's head fell off, but it was still alive. The head bounced around at lightning speed. I tried to chase it down, but it was too fast. It jumped on Johnson, and began eating his balls. Johnson screamed as he began losing his manhood.
The bear body was still up and alive too. I ran to the body, and kicked it down. I began cutting through its stomach, but it wasn't doing much. "AH, TO HELL WITH YOU!" I yelled at the weed wacker. I tossed it to the side, and started ripping the bear's stomach open with my own two bear hands. It was tough, but with enough force, I eventually split it open. I saw its beating heart. I grabbed the weed wacker. "Bear with me here, this might leave a mark."
I sliced its heart with the blade, and it seemed to kill the head. I ran over to Johnson. His groin area was completely bloody, and his arm was falling apart. "Johnson... no!" I cried while holding him up. "R... Rich. I remember the... the... the passage." he said in his dying breath. "Go on! Yell me!" I demanded with tears in my eyes. "Klaatu... barada... ni.... nik..." Johnson tried to speak. "Go on... you can do it!" I said. "nik... nikt... ni... n-." Johnson couldn't finish the sentence, as he passed away.
Chapter 8
I looked to the sky, with Johnson in my hands still. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" I then began to cry. I then heard laughing come from behind. It was the skull, but this time his head was attached to the body. "I'll bring your friend back if you let me devour your soul! Hahaha!" the skull joked. "Devour this." I shoved the blade in its mouth. The skull's laughs turned into screams. The skull's jaw fell completely off. I punched the jaw-less skull, knocking it dead off the body. I then raised my foo strong and high, and gave it one powerful stomp. The skull shattered into a million pieces. "Fuq you." I cursed.
I dragged Johnson's dead body to the truck, and tossed it in the back of the trunk. I looked down at my hands. Covered in blood. I shook my head in sadness, and hopped in the truck. I put the keys in the ignition, and took off. "Alriahgt... off to J-Johnson's house." I told myself. I was in a rural country area, so town shouldn't be too far off. The ride was quiet of course. I could have saved his life, but I didn't. I was upset with myself. A green sign appeared next to the road. "Campbellsville - 10 miles ahead". I should be there in about 10 minutes.
I then noticed something in the corner of my eye. The gauge said the car was almost empty on gas. "Sheit." I cursed to myself. After a few minutes, the car came to a complete halt. The headlights turned off too, the car wouldn't start back up, I'm by somebody's driveway out in the country, there's a dead body in the back, and the evil is following me. Ain't that just dandy?
I fumbled for the console. I opened it, and there was a conveniently placed flashlight in there. I turned the flashlight on, and shinned it around. I dropped it when something strangled me from behind. "Hahaha! Dick for dinner!" laughed Evil Johnson in a low demonic voice. I managed to escape his grasp, and fled the truck... but wait! My damn weed wacker is in there! I was breathing heavily, panicking. Evil Johnson emerged from the truck. His hair was all crazed, skin was green, eyes were completely white, and his teeth sharp and jagged. And he was holdin' my precious weed wacker!
Chapter 9
Johnson turned the blade on. "Looks like dick needs a circumcision!" joked Evil Johnson. My eyes widened. I did the only thing I could do; run up to the house I parked next to. As I ran up the driveway, an old man in a sleeping robe walked out the door. "What's goin' on out here!?" he yelled. I dove into the bushes in front of the house's windows. Johnson attacked the old man with the blade, cutting him up. I took a peak. The man's intestines flew everywhere. Evil Johnson turned the blade off, and the old man collapsed to the floor. Johnson dropped the weed wacker, and dropped to the ground, and began eating the old man's blood intestines while nomming profusely. I have to kill him.
I ran to the weed wacker as fast as I could. As I picked it up, Evil Johnson stopped eating, and turned his head to me. "Here, lemme help you with that!" he demanded. "Okay, all I need you to do his sit there, AND PREPARE TO TASTE BLOOD!" I screamed. I turned the blade on. Johnson opened his mouth screaming. I dug the blade into his mouth, cutting his jaw off, as blood sprayed everywhere. I dug it in his mouth so deep, I ended up splitting his skull in two. I turned the blade off, and Johnson's head was in two and on the ground. It was bloody disgusting, especially with the old man's intestines everywhere.
I wiped the sweat from my forehead, and asked myself "How am I gonna get inta' town now?" There's a garage right there, so maybe something's in it. I walked in to the house, and went in to the garage. There was a car, but I don't feel like lookin' for the keys. I'll just take this here bike right here! I clicked the button that opened up the garage door. The door rose up, and I took the bike out. But there's just one problem... How am I gonna carry mah weed wacker? I've been carrying it with a duffle bag this whole tiem! Hmm... I think I got an idea.
I went to Johnson's mutilated body, and took off his belt. Then I noticed something. His jaw-less head was switching. His eye patch burst off, revealing a mouth monster with millions of sharp teeth! The monster extended out of the eye, and was tryin' to bite meh! I grabbed it by the neck, and dug a screwdriver in its mouth. I started to choke. It then dropped to the ground, and its skin turned blue. I'm pretty sure its dead. I continued to do what I was doing. I picked up the belt, and wrapped it around me. I took off my belt, and wrapped it around me too. I then stuck the weed wacker in between by the belts. I can now carry the weed wacker on mah back! Though, it is pretta' heavy. I hopped on the bike, and took off.
Chapter 10
About 10 minutes later, I was in town. Now I just gotta find Nikto street. The town is pretta' small, so I shouldn't have that much of a hard tiem findin' et. I walked in to a gas station, and asked for directions. The cashier gave me a funny look. Must be the blood on mah face, and everywhere else. "Pardon me, but do you happen to know where 'Nikto' street is?" I asked. The cashier was silent for a moment. "I-it's... over there." they said. "Huh? Over there?" I questioned. The cashier nodded their head, and walked outside. "It's right there." I followed him, and saw the sign right there! "Nikto St." It was riaght next to "Groovy" street. Who the hail names a street that? Enyway, I thanked the cashier, and walked on Nikto street.
About five houses were lined up on the sidewalk. Shiet... which one's Johnson's house? Let's see here... There's four cars parked next to the houses except for one... Ah-ha! It's this one! I walked up the steps, and tried to open the door. It was locked of course. So I did the only thang I could do, and that was to kick down the der. I then walked in to the dark house. Let's kill this evil once and fer all!
I saw a lamp on a table next to the door, so I turned it on. It lit up the whole room. "Alriaght... I just need to find the passage, and I'm good to go! But whare his it?" I asked myself. I figured the only place it would be at is his room. But where's his damn room at? I looked through all the rooms downstairs, and didn't find a room resembling a bed room. It must be upstairs then.
As I set my foot on the stairs, a loud boom came from outside. Thunder. And the wind was picking up too. I gulped, and continued up the stairs. I made it to the top, and saw it. The bedroom. I knew this because the door was flying open violently, and there was strobing blue light flickering inside. I approached the entrance to the room, and the winds from outside got stronger. The winder in the room shattered from the intensity of it all. In the room was a bed, a chair, and a desk. That's it. The desk had one drawer on it too. This is it.
I approached the desk, but before I could touch it, the room flipped upside down. I fell to the ceiling, and so did everything else. The bed and chair broke, and so did the desk. The drawer was no on the ceiling, and there were old lookin' papers in it. I dived for it, and picked up the papers. I searched for the words, but couldn't find em! The wind was getting so strong, it felt like there was a black hole outside the window. I held on to the bed so I couldn't get blown out, but I can tell my grip won't last for long.
Two of the papers got sucked out of my hand, which shocked me so much I lost mah grip of the bed. I got sucked out the window, but I manged to grab the edges of the window. One slip up, and I'm done fer. I looked behind me, and there was a purple vortex... with a tree monster comin' right fer me! I turned away, and looked at the paper. This was the right one, the words were written right there! I cleared my throat, and began speaking the words.
"Klaatu barada... nikto!"
I turned behind me, and saw the tree monster was getting sucked in to the vortex. I then felt something come out of my shirt pocket. It was the Book of the Dead. It flew out of my shirt pocket, and in to the vortex. Then the window frame broke off, and now I was getting sucked back in to the vortex. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed to my doom. There were so many bizarre things floating around, that I can't even describe em'. There was a light at the end. What do this mean? What's goin' on!?
Chapter 11
I came out the other side, and landed on the ground. Aag, that hurt. I rubbed my eyes, and I couldn't believe it. I was back at the cabin, and it was day light. I got up, and took another look at the cabin. There was no damage to it. I scratched my head, turned away from it. On the ground was the Book of the Dead. I picked it up, and stared at with my mouth wide open. I then noticed that my trusty weed wacker was missin'. This is very strange. I got the creeps from holding the book, so I walked in to the cabin, and I tossed the book in the basement. I then walked out of the cabin. "Now what?" I asked myself. "How about I just go back to town, and forget that this all happened? Yeah, that will work." I answered.
As you know, there's that house a few minutes away from the cabin. As I walked past it, I saw that hillbilly walk out the house. He's alive! "You're alive! You're alive!" I cheered. He gave me a weird look. "'scuse me?" he questioned. "Oh, um, it's nothing. Say, can I get a ride in to town? I'm kinda lost out here." I asked. He said no at first, but I convinced him after a lot of back and fourth talking.
When I got in to town, I saw that Johnson's car was parked by his house. He's alive too! He walked out of his house while talking on the phone. "Johnny boy!" I greeted. "Yeah, hold on. Uh, do I know you?" he asked. "Maybe." I replied. He ignored me, and got in his car. "Yeah, yeah. I'm heading there right now. I must destroy the book." he said on the phone. WAIT, WHAT!? "Hold up, hold up, what book?" I asked frantically.
"It's an evil book, you wouldn't know about it." said Johnson. "Yeah, well, when you get there, say 'Klaatu barada nikto'. You can thank me later." I then walked off from the car. Johnson hung up the phone, and got out of his car. "Hold it! How do you know about the Book of the Dead and the passage?" asked Johnson. "Because, Johnson. I come from an alternative universe where you forgot the words to kill the book, and I kill you." I explained. His jaw dropped. And then I walked off.
Hopefully he doesn't forget the words again.
